30 year–old–woman: "A little molly never hurt anybody."

JMHH purist: "I'm NOT going to Van Pelt. That place is for peasants." 

Begrudging Amy admirer: "Amy Gutmann was a great academic. And then she had to go fuck it up."

Freshman at the Amazon locker: "This is mankind's greatest invention. THIS is why I chose Penn."

Huntsman realist: "Why would I be a socialist? I'm from a socialist country."

Voice of reason(s): "If you're bored, drink. If you're not bored, don't drink."

Washed–up frat star: "That 'Wild Thoughts' song is my mantra. I am a wild thot."

Super washed–up frat star: "I'd rather have strawberry milk right now than a hand job."