Ah, the heyday. Shakespeare in Love had just come out, and every girl in my fifth grade class was obsessed with marine biology. Not because the plankton was particularly endearing, but because the 12-year-old Ben was the star of our educational film The Voyage of the Mimi. "Isn't he cute!" we would shriek before discussing, in depth, the deep emotional impact that Forces of Nature and Armageddon had on us. Girls wanted him. Boys wanted to be him. So what could possibly have ended the career of this obsession-inducing,his-poster-is-hangin-on-the-ceiling-above-my-bed heartthrob who pulled himself up from the bowels of society to win an Academy Award for his and Matt Damon's Good Will Hunting screenplay and become Hollywood's golden boy? Was it the Bennifer fiasco? The alcohol abuse? The seven Razzie nominations and two wins? Was it Bounce? Jersey Girl? Daredevil? Gigli? I guess we'll never really know. But when you're lying awake at night, agonizing over the ruined career of a fallen hero, take comfort in the fact that Ben Affleck has won an Oscar. And in Hollywood purgatory (you know, that place where Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise is headed), that's got to count for something.

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