PHILADELPHIA—Fans of Walt, Hank and Jesse now have a new friend to talk to. As of this past Thursday, Engineering junior Tom is now all caught up with the hit AMC program “Breaking Bad.” “After season four, I was like, ‘whoa,’ but this season’s pretty good, too,” he reflected. “I mean, it’s all good.”
College sophomore Kevin, a good friend of Tom who spoke to us on the condition of anonymity, was pleased Tom had finished all 58 episodes. “I mean, he’s pretty annoying, and we’re not good friends or anything, but I’m glad he can have a human conversation about the show and stuff.” According to Kevin, previous conversations about “Breaking Bad” resulted in Tom putting his hands over his ears and screaming, “Spoiler ALERT! LALALALALALALA!”
Now, Tom is able to delight in all “Breaking Bad” small talk, from offering his incredibly wrong interpretation of characters and plot points to letting out an obnoxious, incredulous gasp aimed at anyone who dares to admit that they’ve never seen the show.
“I just love talking about the show. Like, all the time,” Tom said. “I have this good friend Kevin and we just talk about it for hours. Sometimes he’s like, ‘I don’t know how you got my number. Please stop calling me. We are not even friends,’ but that’s just the relationship we have. He’s a real ball–buster, if you know what I mean.”
“I guess this is a good step for Tom. He used to talk a lot about ‘Three’s Company,’ and no one really liked him,” said Sarah, a College senior who lived on the same floor as Tom in Rodin College House last year. “He says he has this really good friend now—Kevin, maybe?”
At press time, Tom and Kevin were reportedly enjoying a brunch and laughing in a park, but other sources say this montage is an illusion, and Tom was just laughing maniacally in the corner of his unlit room.
