The year is 2015. You’re driving from San Francisco to Seattle to see your friend from summer camp. She goes to the University of Washington. You planned to drink a lot of coffee and go to something called a ¨kickback¨. It will be a great vacation, but first you must cross the...
STATE OF OREGON.
1) You're about to cross into Oregon from California. All you need to do is cross the border town of Weed, CA. The town in a two–pump Sunaco, but you feel compelled to stop.
YOU CAN EITHER:
a) Take the photo, it'll get so many FB likes.
b) Keep going. This joke is lame. FB likes are a product of your witty caption. 2) Congratulations! You answered correctly. You keep going and realize you have to pee, but there is nothing in southern Oregon. Well, there might be some trees? Is Ashland close? I hear they have a world–class Shakespeare festival.
YOU CAN EITHER:
a) Pee in a National Park Center, but with the knowledge that hippies definitely had sex in here.
b) Try to hold it until Eugene, it´s only 3 hours? Seriously, is there anything in Oregon.
3) You keep on, finally making it to Eugene, a town known for the college the guy who started Nike is from. There's a football game that day.
YOU CAN EITHER:
a) Sit in at least 5 hours of traffic.
b) Follow a pack of Delta Gamma girls into a party full of the worst people you will ever meet.
4) Hungover and/or annoyed, you leave Eugene. The next towns are Salem and Albany, but neither the Salem nor the Albany you´re thinking of. You feel like you should get on the coastal highway but you dont have enough supplies and will not make it long. You stay on course.
There is a river, but there is also a bridge.
YOU CAN EITHER:
a) Take the bridge– it’s 2015 what are you thinking?
b) Ford the river.
5) Are you out of your goddamn mind?!?! You didn’t have enough oxen for either of those choices. You need to set up camp in Portland. “Camp” is a trendy youth hostile/boutique hotel with rooms themed like different Wes Anderson tents.
YOU CAN EITHER:
a) Pick the Moonrise Kingdom Suite.
b) Sleep in a library, that’s so post–punk. Hotels are too capitalist.
6) After a good night´s rest, you have to stock up on supplies.
YOU CAN EITHER:
a) Buy a $5 scone.
b) Buy the new Animal Collective record. Yeah, you heard right, it's not a vintage record.
7) You set forth on your final push! You're almost crossing into the state of Washington. You can smell the legalized marijuana.
YOU CAN EITHER:
Mostly A’s:
You died of dysentery.
Mostly B’s:
You also died of dysentery.
