Carnivore: The Sweetgreen reopening was like Black Friday for basic girls.


A visually impaired animal lover: One time, I wasn’t wearing my glasses and I asked someone to pet their dog and they were like, “This is a goat.”


Innovative Whartonite: Dude, as capitalists, we could’ve made so much money off of the Women’s March. Just selling branded t-shirts or something.


Sexual Butterfly: Chlamydia sounds so beautiful. Like a flower.

Confused Frosh: Smokes' is the hardest frat to get into.


Bottled, not Still guy: I only trust FIJI. It’s the only kind of water good enough for my body.


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