Thin Fries 

You’re just a brutal person. You tell it how it is—there’s no soft, squishy side of you. Tough love is what you’re all about. Think Meryl Streep in Devil Wears Prada. That bitch is 100% a thin fry: chic af, (potentially) less unhealthy and heartless.

For thin fries check out: Continental Midtown

Continental serves their thin–cut fries in a towering mountain of tangled potato. The fries are without a doubt different and tasty, but they’re missing the softness of a usual fry. The sauce is to die for (like Meryl’s purse), but alas, it’s just an accessory. They’re fun and tasty for an exotic night out, but not for every day.

Truffle Fries

You look like you have it all together. You probably went to every single OCR info session. As Cher of Clueless would say, however, you’re a “full–on Monet.” We all know there are no real truffles in those fries, and we all know that no college student has their life totally together. So enjoy the deceitful taste of your ½ teaspoon of truffle oil and Parmesan.

For truffle fries check out: White Dog

You bask in the glory of being mistaken for a young professional while sitting at the bar during White Dog happy hour. They bring you a heaping cone of crisp, perfectly composed fries and you dig in tentatively because you are ~mature~ and have ~self restraint~. The fries are too good. You find yourself clawing the bottom of the waxed paper liner feeling for one last fry–niblet, parmesan strewn across your lap and grease coating your fingers. So what if they’re not made with fresh truffles? They’re damn good.

Crinkle Cut

You’re obviously not from the West Coast but you’re probably wearing Adidas Superstars anyway. You have joggers on under your Canada Goose, you dgaf and you’re just trying to hold your basic life together. We feel you.

For crinkle cut fries check out: Shake Shack

Shake Shack, like you, is basic. The real thing it has going for it is its “unique” shape (just like how your Superstars are green, not black) and convenience. But it lacks any substantial flavor or remarkable feature. It’s just…a fry. Douse it in ketchup or maybe cheese. Come back if you’re in the neighborhood (like that fuckboy you’ll call only because you’re desperate and he lives in your building).

Poutine 

You are so trendy. Really. Like, you totally were drinking Kombucha before everyone else and you reject the mainstream media. #FAKENEWS. You are the most adventurous person like, ever, and are always finding new fads. Either that or you’re Canadian.

For Poutine check out: Shoofry

Poutine looks sloppy and you don’t really know what’s going on with it, but every flavor and ingredient is deliberate (just like your disheveled–in–an–intentional–way outfit). They are far from standard and easy to experiment with. Shoofry is all about the build–your–own fry experience, and you’re all about DIY and against #corporategreed. It’s a match made in fry heaven!


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