Kristin Bateman, Whitney Parker and Lauren Tuchman live in E.F. Smith in Ware College House. Elliot Dawson also lives in Ware, down the hall in Coxe. Elliot attended a dance party with the three girls the night before this interview. We decided to probe this kinky foursome (first the ladies, then Elliot) to discover the surest way to a woman's heart and parts beyond. What do you look for in a guy? Lauren: He has to be tall. We are all looking for tall men on this campus but there aren't any. Kristin: I guess I'm not picky. Whitney: I guess just conservative -- and sweet and polite. Is Elliot not tall? Is that his problem? Lauren: No, he's a man-whore. Whitney: And he likes to hit on pre-freshman. Define man-whore. Lauren: Someone who hooks up with a lot of people. Define hooking up. Whitney: Anything greater than or equal to making out. Lauren: I guess anything beyond making out. Who would be your dream Valentine, and what would you do together? Lauren: I would have to say Ryan from The Bachlorette, when he took her up on the mountain and watched the sunrise. That would be perfect. I really like high places and hiking. Kristin: Josh Hartnett. We would just go to a nice restaurant. Whitney: I would like to get proposed to. What's your ideal proposal? Whitney: In New York you know how they have those signs that go across buildings? And they say stuff? Advertisements? Whitney: Yeah. We could be eating at a restaurant with a really good view and he could say, "Look out the window," and it would say, "Whitney, would you marry me?" Wouldn't that be sweet? Here we came across, on Lauren's desk, a list of the Top 15 Places for Fast Love. It included Kiddy Pool, Exercise Ball, and Beanbag Chair.
Which is hotter -- Beanbag chair or big exercise ball? Whitney: The sheer mechanics of having sex on an exercise ball is just a little difficult. Do you know from experience? Would you prefer the kiddy pool? Whitney: I don't know. The reason I printed out the list is because it's so funny. It's not like "Whitney's future plans." What's the craziest romantic thing you've ever done? Kristin and Lauren: I don't know. Have you ever done anything romantic with a boy? Lauren: No. I have not! Kristin: Honestly, I don't know. What's the most romantic thing your boyfriend has done for you? Or any boyfriend in the past? Kristin: This is my first! We just started going out. He sent me flowers for Christmas. What color flowers? Kristin: Red, Green, and White. Is he Italian? Lauren: He's Canadian! You know what they say about Canadians. Kristin: What do they say? You'll find out on Valentines Day. What's your Valentine's wish for the Penn community? Whitney: I want a good boyfriend but not some weird psycho that's like, "Oh, I read that and I don't have a girlfriend." Lauren: I don't know. Have a great time. The exercise ball is your friend. Kristin: Be safe. • What are your Valentine's Day plans? Elliot: I don't have a girlfriend. I have no idea. What would your ideal Valentine's Day be? Elliot: Ideally I would have a girlfriend and I would just spend that day with her and embrace the relationship I have with her. What would this girl be like? Elliot: I don't know. I look for someone who can have, obviously, a good time. I'm not, you know, a bad guy, but I'd like someone physically attractive. This would include making out? Elliot: Well yeah, I think you would want to cap off the night. You know, have a nice climax at the end of the night. How tall are you? Elliot: About 5-foot-9.
What's Elliot's signature move? Elliot: I think the smile -- a great thing to have and show off. What are your top 3 places for fast love? Elliot: At a party, a frat house bedroom. I would like to find a good outside place actually. What about on an object? Elliot: You mean like a dildo? What are you looking for in a girl? Elliot: I think I have specific tastes. I don't know if I can explain that. For me, if I see a girl, I'll know if I will like her. There is a feeling the first time you talk and something just snaps. I don't want to call it love at first sight. I was actually debating blondes and brunettes -- if that makes a difference. I think for some reason I will have more serious relationships with brunettes than blondes. The girls down the hall told us that they thought you were pretty hot. Would they have a shot at Elliot? Elliot: Some of them already have. Really? Of the three which one stands out to you? Elliot: I'm not going to answer that. That's just stupid. What's your Valentine's wish for the campus? Elliot: I think everyone should hook-up on Valentine's Day. Free love. That's what I would suggest.
