Rusty Fein disqualified from elections for violating campaign rules by spending above the $50 limit -- Apparently, he used the money for "illicit campaign activities." Note to NEC: providing candidates with personal interns would solve this problem. Aaron Short entertains election meeting by singing parody song he wrote about election campaigns -- He may have lost the election for UA Chair, but hey, UA Minstrel is a close second. Jason Levy gets most votes for SAS representative to UA -- When asked why, he replied, "I think it's due to taking off my shirt at all the football games. Everyone loves a hairy chest." Kirsten Grubbs ditches sexual innuendo tactic of previous years in favor of a push for more lenient alcohol policy -- In related news, thousands of Penn males' masturbatory fantasies have been ruined. Supreme Court rules 5-4 in favor of Bush, thus ending all hope of a fair recount and awarding him the Presidency -- Sorry, sorry, wrong election. Stupid. Why are we always so stupid? Voter turnout at record lows -- The Nominations and Elections Committee has blamed this year's low turnout to, "not sending out enough emails reminding people to vote." Only one person runs for UA from Nursing -- Anonymous sources have revealed that, in fact, she is the only student in Nursing.

More Like This