TIMMY O'NEILL "URBAN APE RETURNS HOME" Logan Hall Room 17 249 South 36th Street Thurs, April 17, 8 p.m. Free dolphin.upenn.edu/~upoc/ This is an event for people who like doing things like hiking and have a sense of humor. I have no interest in hiking. Actually, last year one of my friends and I used to tell everyone we were going hiking, but instead we would find a spot in the cow pasture or by the petting zoo where we would devour huge bars of chocolate. Then we would laugh hysterically about it, our faces covered in chocolate. Nobody believed we were going hiking anybody. Nobody really cared. We were really funny though, so we had that in common with O'Neill. You probably wonder where I was that had a cow pasture and a petting zoo, but I'm sorry, a girl's gotta have her secrets. Afro cuban all stars Zellerbach Theatre 3680 Walnut Street Fri, April 18, 8 p.m. $26-39, discounts for Penn students (215) 898-6701 www.pennpresents.org We may as well call ourselves, as a nation, The Buena Vista Social Club of the United States of America. You think that's funny bub? Well, you wouldn't think it was so funny if you have spent the New Years Eve of your senior year of high school at a stupid Latin jazz concert, hear you me. Seriously. Why does nobody just like pop anymore. Everyone liked the Beatles-- what's so different about them and Avril Lavigne? Basically, though, it's a good thing the whole world-music-trend was replaced with indie-emo by the jet set of American teens, because I don't think there would have been enough countries to go around. Luckily, Juan de Marcos Gonz lez, a Buena Vista Social Club member extraordinaire, is on to other things. Not bigger or better, just other. celebrate earth week on the green College Green Between 34th and 35th on Locust Walk Mon, April 21, 2 p.m. Free Pissed that Fling passed you by? It sucks when you fall asleep at 6:30 p.m. on Thursday and then just don't wake up until Monday morning at 7. Seriously. I mean, that didn't happen to me. I had an awesome Fling. But, still, I sympathize. If that had happened to me I would have............Whoops! Sorry, fell asleep there again. Debate: College Democrats vs. College Republicans 218 Houston Hall 3417 Spruce Street Tue, April 22, 7:30 p.m. Free I have long wanted a Republican friend, and yesterday I found out that I have one. Sure, I know plenty of Giuliani Republicans, and they are okay people, I guess. I mean, they really make an effort to be good, solid people. I mean, they think they're right. I mean, it's not as if they personally go out and steal from the poor to give to the rich. Only the IRS actually does that, really. But, no, my real Republican friend is a nice person, I guess. I feel a little uncomfortable knowing she evaded my sensors for so long, but the novelty of her existence really pleases me to know end. Long live my Republican friend!

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