I knew little to nothing about The Used before writing this review. I knew lead singer Bert McCracken dated Kelly Osborne and throws up on stage, or something like that. So when I got the assignment to write about The Used, I knew I had to do some sort of gimmick or else I'd look like an idiot (and even then...).

So here it is, The Official Maybe Memories Review Timeline.

5:11 p.m.: I leave work in Bucks County and hop into my car and turn on the CD.

5:12 p.m.: I turn off the CD to get the traffic report. Backup on I-95 South at Academy Road seems to be my only delay.

5:13 p.m.: I turn back on the CD. The first four tracks are live ones, and the rest are demos and variants, by the way.

5:15 p.m.: McCracken is a bit of a screamer, and not a very good one at that, but the band seems decent.

5:16 p.m.: He announces the title of track two, saving me from having to check the back of the CD for it. Bonus points.

5:21 p.m.: This guy can't sing at all, but I'm enjoying this nonetheless.

5:22 p.m.: I catch myself playing air guitar while heading onto I-95.

5:26 p.m.: The live tracks end with McCracken going "We are... The Used!" over and over, which is really lame if it's telling you the band name and even lamer if it's some sort of statement.

5:29 p.m.: I reach said slowdown at Academy.

5:37 p.m.: The demo tracks are just OK, but they're demo tracks, and therefore a little too raw.

5:38 p.m.: "Bulimic" is the album's strongest track so far. The Used kind of resemble a poor man's Thursday, which isn't an insult (I think.)

5:42 p.m.: I reach South Street (where I had to go buy concert tickets) and who do I see by Eagles QB A.J. Feeley and soccer player/model girlfriend Heather Mitts!

5:43 p.m: After a decent instrumental, the album ends.

Wow, that was a disappointing CD. There are really only two good tracks -- "Bulimic" and the instrumental, "Sometimes I Just Go For It" -- and the rest is throwaway. Only pick this up if you're a hardcore fan of The Used.

We'll go with five stars for A.J. Feeley and Heather Mitts, four stars for radio traffic reports, three stars for the good tracks, two stars for Maybe Memories, and one star for I-95 slowdown.


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