During my first attempt at Accounting 101 I found myself studying furiously but futilely, in the Borders caf‚. If I concentrate hard and long enough I won't have to pull out of the class. Debits on the left, credits on the right. A blank wall on my left, a pair of female thirtysomethings on my right.
Their conversation started out innocently enough, just one of your standard dialogues about the appropriate way to represent the slaughtering of a cartoon pig on promotional materials for Porkers, Inc. "Maybe we could put a bowtie on Wilbur to make him seem a little more lovable. How about that, Julie?"
"Lovable? Is that really the look we're going for here Randi? We don't want our clients to fall so in love with the little guy that they can't stand to eat bits and pieces of him." She had a point. Julie really knew her stuff. Thus began my journey into distraction.
"What if we give him bushy eyebrows? That'd give him character."
"Oh that's good. A pig with big furry eyebrows! And we'll show him smiling when he gets cut up!" She was far too excited. "Do you think it'd be too graphic to show a knife slicing his stomach?" It sounded like a good idea to me, but I hadn't yet taken Pork Marketing 100 so I kept my uninformed carnivorous mouth shut and tried to focus on my study of short-lived assets. If I concentrate hard and long enough I won't have to pull out of the class.
I had just started refocusing -- ignoring the duo's work-related ramblings -- when they brought up a far more interesting meat market.
"Now that that's done, have you given any thought to what I talked to you about yesterday?" Randi had intrigued me. "I'm serious Julie, you'll never have better sex in your life. Come with me next weekend. It's free for women."
"I don't know. It sounds fun but I'm not a swinger."
I shuffled my papers and started highlighting the table of contents in an attempt to remain discreet. I knew that if I showed any signs of eavesdropping they would leave and I would be left to my studying, unaware of the details of their sexual exploits. Just be...
"It's totally casual, Randi?"
"Completely."
"With all those people won't it get all hot and..."
My palms were getting...
"... sweaty?"
"Of course. It's great. I'll go with you and if you're not enjoying it we'll just head out. But I'm telling you now that once you go you won't want to leave. These guys are total studs. Hard and long."
Stop listening! If I concentrate hard and long enough...
"You promise they'll pull out?"
"I promise."
"OK then. I can't believe I'm saying this! I'll meet you Sunday after church. I'm so excited."
I couldn't concentrate for the rest of the day and -- daunted by the risk of bombing a midterm -- I decided to pull out of Accounting 101, but not before dreaming of Julie and Randi at work on Monday, coyly discussing their weekend with the stiffs in accounts receivable.
