Open Hockey Class of 1923 Ice Rink 3130 Walnut Street All week, 8:15-9:45 p.m., Free with PennCard (215) 898-1923 Lose a few teeth and look like a screwed up Canuck. If mullets and lumberjacks don't get you hot then maybe this is not your cup of Toronto SARS. If you go down there, you are guaranteed to have a raucous good time. It's an open skate so frat boys and physics nerds can deck each other just like the good ol' days. Watch out for the slapshots and bring your sweater.
MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL: PhilADELPHIA PHILLIES VS. FLORIDA MARLINS Veterans Stadium 3551 S. Broad St. Tue-Thu, 7:05 p.m., $10-$24 (215) 685-1500
I don't know anything about baseball, but I do know something about Florida; they are pigfuckers and they don't know how to vote. Nonetheless, a bunch of fat guys with jock straps representing Florida -- who actually comes from Florida? -- take on our hometown boys. That state is so messed up, don't even get me started. Where's Elian Gonzalez at these days? Do us all a favor and leave your "chads" at home.
