The Whole Ten Yards

Starring Bruce Willis, Matthew PerryDirected by Howard DeutchRated PG-13

Every time I try to say something substantive about The Whole Ten Yards, the only thing that can come out of my mouth are variations on "it was a pile of crap." Director Howard Deutch gives us a barrage of ethnic jokes, repeated slapping and Matthew Perry waving his arms around and falling down, and leaves it up to the marketing department to make the movie seem funny. The only thing remotely amusing will be the director's commentary on the DVD, when Deutch will have to feebly justify the scenes with the farting grandma or the one that takes place the morning after Matthew Perry and Bruce Willis supposedly have sex.

--Gerard Leone


Playing at: Festival Favorites, TBA

Think of Memphis, Tennessee, the bankruptcy capital of the nation. Think of car dealerships whose lots are filled with unsold cars. Think of the biggest blowout car sale that Memphis has seen in years, with the cheapest car priced at $88. Think of a man named "The Slasher," brought in from across the country to sell these cars. Think it sounds cool, huh? It was -- for the first 40 minutes; then the next 40 minutes happened. Day after day, the "Slasher" doesn't live up to his reputation, doesn't sell any cars and doesn't excite the audience either.

--Jacky Hayward

A Tale of Two Sisters

Playing At: Friday, April 16th, 10 p.m., The Bridge

Saturday, April 17th, 7:30 p.m., Ritz East

Call it a lack of effort on my part, but A Tale of Two Sisters is probably best characterized as a Korean Sixth Sense sans a cohesive storyline. It is beautifully shot and can surprise you, but the longer the movie progresses, the more puzzled you get. The movie sort of stumbles around a legitimately interesting concept, confusing it any way it can, and though at the end one gleans a somewhat solid understanding of what happened, the journey to get there is not a particularly pleasant one.

--Gerard Leone

The Legend of the Evil Lake

Playing at: Festival Favorites, TBA

Despite the title, this is not a horror movie. It's a historical fantasy-adventure movie set in ancient Korea. That's right. A Korean, historical-fantasy adventure movie. And that, my friends, is a bad combination. A love triangle starts the party: the queen of the Shilla kingdom falls in love with one of her generals who happens to be in love with one of the queen's maidens. The queen's maiden gets murdered, the general goes berserk and then ghosts with badass limb-severing powers appear from the evil lake. Don't know what's going on? Neither do I.

--Edward Byun