Viagra Fails, NY
Impotency is hard on me.
Well, kinda soft, actually.
Nickel Haiku
Nickels are worthless.
Let me count all of the ways.
One, two, three, four, five.
Hire a Celebrity to Do Your Laundry
I hired Tom Hanks to do my laundry.
He did a good job and didn't ruin my clothes.
He even cleaned the lint filter.
But I don't think that I'll hire him again because he stole my gerbil Mr. Zeek.
I asked him why he didn't just buy his own gerbil and he spit on me.
After he rode my lawnmower for a while we played dominoes.
He had fun, but I didn't.
He invited himself to dinner.
During dinner he said that he'd never won anything before.
I asked him "Didn't you win two Oscars?" and he said "No."
I said "Yes you did," and he said "I sold them."
I said "You sold them?" and he said "Ebay."
My mom really liked Forrest Gump.
He didn't want to do the dishes so we thumb-wrestled for it.
He drank YooHoo while I scrubbed.
To the victor go the spoils.
Later he told me that my Christmas lights were stolen.
But I told him that it was June.
He said "So it is."
I gave him a dollar to shut him up.
We agreed to disagree on the merits of Tae-Bo.
It was an entertaining argument.
Finally I said "You should go home," and he said "No."
I said "What?" and he said "Make me."
I got my mom.
On the way out he took some fruit.
I bought an Oscar for $9.95
