This article appeared in the December 9th joke issue.
MALE
Which of the following names do you most like to be called?
(a) Your first name
(b) Sir
(c) Daddy
(d) Sultan of Twat
Growing up, what was your dream job?
(a) Rabbi
(b) Professor
(c) Doctor
(d) Fireman
Your mother catches you, looking at naughty pictures on the internet. You:
(a) Immediately start crying, and howl to the moon, begging forgiveness.
(b) Look at her and say, ''What's up?'' while using your body to cover the screen.
(c) Look at her and say, ''What!?''
(d) Look at her and say, ''You like?''
School girls come to your front door, asking for donations. You:
(a) Give them a few dollars, and they leave.
(b) Invite them in and ask them about school.
(c) Teach them about human biology.
(d) Show them your human biology.
What do you wear under your jeans?
(a) Tidy whities passed down from your older brother.
(b) Boxer briefs, same as always.
(c) Not a damn thing. You never know when you'll have to bang out a hottie in a College Hall lavatory.
(d) This question doesn't apply to you, since your harem won't ever let you get dressed.
Your roommate has left a necktie on the doorknob, a sign that he's busy with a lady friend. You decide to:
(a) Go to Houston Hall for a quick bite to eat. Dining dollars, please. Thanks.
(b) Watch it all go down through the keyhole.
(c) Call up some friends and form a line outside the door.
(d) Run a train on that ass. Toot, toot!
When you jerk off, it's in:
(a) A circle with a bunch of other horny guys.
(b) The bathroom on the top floor of Fisher-Hassenfeld, third stall from the end.
(c) The kitchen, the Wawa, the back row of a crowded lecture hall. Anywhere, really. Fuck indiscretion.
(d) The mouth of a thirsty, well-proportioned MILF.
Mostly A's: You call it abstinence. We call you a loser.
Mostly B's: You're too undamaged for this world.
Mostly C's: Dirty bastard. Move to the Valley and start lifting weights.
Mostly D's: Buck Naked, anyone?
