This article appeared in the December 9th joke issue.

Misty Beethoven: The Musical is destined for Oscar glory. It is the most sophisticated X-Rated film to come along since the release of its predecessor, Opening of Misty Beethoven. Because who would ever fashion such a concept? People sing and fuck at the same time! Renowned porn film critics, Rodge-her and Poonbert, proclaim: "One is in the most ripe of positions to perform oral sex after having delivered song." Sure this porn has explicit nudity, blowjobs at every turn and graphic sex up the wazoo -- like we've never seen that in a porno before! -- but Hart's ingenuity in pioneering a niche in the film industry for song, dance and poon to coalesce may very well revolutionize the way we watch sex in this country.

Just to clarify, these hot porn stars really sing. There is no dubbing in this one and there are certainly no voiceovers -- just hours and hours of authentic and unremitting porn star song. Sunset Thomas plans to release her first, Misty-Beethoven-inspired album sometime in January. Some of my favorite tunes from the album include: "Lick a Virgin," "Papa, Don't Reach" and "Crazy for Poo."

This film is a must see: the kind of flick you'll recount to your grandchildren for years to come (no pun intended).