Everyone knows that alcohol and cannabis are two sure-fire ways to get people in the mood for loving, but there's a whole store of mood-setting foods that have been putting the SEX in sexy since the dawn of man. Aphrodisiacs are named by their stimulative powers, by the legends that accompany, by their associations with Aphrodite and by their sheer resemblance to human genitalia.

1. Chocolate: L'original. Causes the brain to produce natural opiates, dulling pain and producing a feeling of euphoria. They say Montezuma used to drink cinnamon hot cocoa before "attending" to his concubines, and God knows he is celebrated for his virility. Montezuma is also celebrated for the painful diarrhea condition that plagues tourists, but that's neither here nor there.

2. Figs: Hands-down the world's most sensual food. Not only does the luscious and sacred fig resemble the female anatomy and act as a sexual stimulant, but there is truly nothing more erotic than the act of a man breaking open a fig and devouring it in front of his lover.

3. Mustard: Men only. In the Middle Ages, mustard paste was rubbed on the male body as a means of arousal. It also has street cred: the Bible has named it "the greatest among herbs." We have named it "the second greatest among herbs."

4. Almonds: Ladies only. Thought to boost fertility. Come girls, those biological clocks are ticking, and you are alone on Valentine's Day.

5. Bananas: Embraced by the likes of Sting and the rest of the Tantric followers, its naughty factor dates back to the story of the Garden of Eden, where the serpent was said to have buried a bunch of bananas. By the transitive property, we can then assume that Adam and Eve procreated like rabbits. And by the commutative property, we know that Sting and Mrs. Sting procreate like rabbits.


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