Constantine is intense. Intense like that shady guy standing outside Wawa on Spruce and 38th, intense like the lines for elliptical machines at Pottruck, intense like ... well, you get the point.

In Constantine, Keanu Reeves plays the role of John Constantine, a chain-smoking priest (oh, the irony), who makes a living performing exorcisms in a Matrix-like era. After a rountine hospital check-up, he meets Angie (Rachel Weisz), a detective whose sister, Isabel, has committed suicide. Angie, a devout Catholic, is alarmed by her sister's death and calls on Constantine to unravel the motive. We soon learn that their world is chock full of half-breed angels and demons. Thus begins a whirlwind sci-fi caper to discover how this all ties together.

The special effects and Keanu Reeves' painful attempts at hotness are the sole basis for not completely trashing Constantine. The film's stab at merging apocalyptic "end of days" gibberish with the hyper-modernity of its setting ultimately fails. The odd and choppy plot will leave you dusting off your old copy of the comic book on which this film is based.

The highlight of Constantine is undeniably the film's homage to Lord of the Rings: the head demon resembles (intentionally?) a Hispanic Gollem in both appearance and manner. Funny stuff ... but is it really meant to be?


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