Want to spice up the next Party meeting? Forget what you've heard; it's ALWAYS okay to want to stand out, even in a classless, egalitarian society. Pick your brand of Communism and suit up!

Marxism: Think European chic with a proletariat edge. Use Germany circa its Berlin heyday as your inspiration. Go Fembot, Unisex, or East-Euro whore. The choice is yours, unexploited and uninhibited, just as Marx and Engels would have wanted.

Socialism: It's not called socialism for nothing: it's time to party like it's 1917! It's the heyday of the working class, so celebrate your poor-ass Russian roots with a funky peasant look (think Mary-Kate) with a dash of Lolita. Looking rich is so out. Socialist girls get the best of all worlds; an iron-clad Commie regime without the annoyance of communal property. Girls will be girls!

Maoism: the "Great Teacher" tells us that the US is so yesterday, and whack. Get out of the grips of Western capitalism and go third-world sexy with an Asian flavor. Extra points for rocking army gear, because every good communist girl needs a good military strategy!

Communist Party USA: No need to be a homely Ethel Rosenberg. The Cold War's over, so show the red scare who's boss by going bright and bold. Use espionage style as inspiration: mink coats, slinky dresses, hair done in a bob. You may be unpopular and a little radical for American taste, but stay confident and turn Communist into come-hither.


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