During the 2004 election, The Daily Pennsylvanian polled students for their presidential picks. A mere 19 percent of students said they intended to vote for George W. Bush. It's reminiscent of an analogy Jon Stewart once used to put Dick Cheney's approval ratings in perspective: more dentists advise you don't chew sugarfree gum (one in five) than Penn students approved of George W. Bush in 2004. And compared to his 2006 popularity, Bush in 2004 was practically the Egyptian sun god Ra.
I don't mean to endorse one side or another in Tuesday's midterm elections. That's the duty of the DP's election issue this coming Monday, and I trust my chums down the hall to pick only the uppermost drawers in the political chiffonier. Unless they, you know, endorse Rick Santorum. or a single, slimy, ass-hat Republican. ugh, Republicans = worst ever.. Oops! I mean to say. um. Knibb High football rules?
Sure, the minority here that identifies itself as conservative is not insignificant. Except that it absolutely and without exception is. What Shiites are to the new Iraq, what "the Others" are to season three of Lost, liberals are to Penn.
Let's go back to the days immediately following the 2004 election. When I went to my classes that following Thursday, I expected to learn about contemporary American literature and creative non-fiction writing. Instead, my professors and classmates talked about "racist Southern pieces of shit" and the impending apocalypse. At one point, my writing professor paused to ask, "None of you are Republicans, right?"
Well, fair enough. But judging from the silence that ensued - or the fact that we had gone an hour sans controversy - the question wasn't even necessary.
It looks like the Democrats will win the House, and the Senate is a toss-up. If the donkeys' lead holds, it's going to be difficult to choose which of the 1.000 utopian orgies on campus to attend. Personally, I'll be looking for the one that most closely resembles the Ewoks' bonfire festivus at the end of Return of the Jedi.
Democrats, you, for better or worse, dictate the mood of this campus. But don't let that dissuade you from inviting the Republicans to your would-be communal fuck parties Tuesday night. After all, I hear conservatives make a killer shepherd's pie.