You party here, you sleep (around) here, you study here (sometimes). And a lot of you voted for Best of Penn 2008 - in fact, enough of you voted to re-elect someone to the UA, and then some. You know what's up. Here's what you had to say.
Best Class That Should Be Easy But Isn't: ASTR007
In Penn's all-too-pre-professional climate, the majority of students would do pretty much anything to avoid wasting a credit on a class that a) will not help them later in life, b) isn't fun and c) is, in fact, absurdly hard. Physical World - arguably the worst general requirement through which Penn makes its undergrads suffer - offers students the privilege of taking classes in the Geology, Astronomy and Environmental Science departments. Enter ASTR007. This was supposed to be my fascinating (and easy!) freshman seminar, so imagine my surprise when I entered a 115-person lecture - and not the 15-person seminar that I was promised. This class should have been called "Intro to Astrophysics." Seriously miserable stuff. And the general dissatisfaction with the class was echoed by its 1.7 course rating and 3.5 difficulty rating on PCR. Don't get me wrong, general requirements allow students the chance to explore the breadth of the university, but when red shifts, Occam's razor and black holes are involved. just say no. -Julia Rubin
Best Place to Witness a Power Trip: Smoke's Front Door
"ID?" the bouncer asks disdainfully. I flash him my older sister's expired driver's license, on it a picture of yet another indistinguishable Jewish brunette, but he holds it up to the light and requests backup. And so I learn the foremost lesson of Smoke's entrance policy: scrutinizing IDs using Gestapo-perfected techniques is a simple way for a bouncer to indicate that he hasn't gotten laid in two months. Still, spare me the melodrama. I know taking my dollar and shoving your flashlight into my décolletage is the highlight of your evening, but staring people down at a place where shots come in plastic cups should not inflate your ego. I'll take my chances at the anarchists' bar on 45th and Locust, where egalitarianism underpins door duty and real men (read: grad students) don't wear seersucker. So, thanks, Smoke's, for our brief rendezvous, but penetrating your "castle" just got too annoying. -Julie Steinberg
Best Place to Nap in Between Classes: Rosengarten
What to do when you find yourself bleary-eyed and in need of sudden rest on Locust, having spent the-night-before-the-morning-after gallivanting downtown instead of writing that 6-page German research paper? Why mosey on down to the Rosengarten Undergraduate Study center at Van Pelt, of course. There exists many a napping spot in this illustrious 24-hour underground study center. But which one to choose is entirely dependent on your naptime idiosyncrasies. Even though you may find the cold, hard surfaces on which endless piles of books are sprawled appealing, desks are not your best option, unless you want to wake up with a throbbing pain down your spine. The obvious pick for comfort is the sofa - firm but embracing and harshly lit. The sofa area of the basement is the perfect spot to ensure a quick but satisfying nap. That is, if you're willing to accept your status in academic hobo-dom. -Raya Jalabi
Best Eatery for Screwing Up Your Order: Izzy & Zoe's
You'd think that given the significant Jewish population at Penn, an incredible deli would be well within reach. But we like to switch it up and defy stereotypes. Upon entering Izzy & Zoe's, the quaint restaurant located next to Greek Lady with colorfully painted walls and specialties like "Lovely Lindsey" and "Dr. Larry's Light Delight," you think that you are in for a true delicatessen experience. After all, you are eager to sample some much needed comfort food that is far different from the "meat" they serve at Commons. After waiting a good 20 minutes (and thinking, "I definitely ordered before her"), they call your name and you eagerly pick up your sandwich. Upon ripping open the wrapper, you notice that a few more condiments and cheeses have been magically added to your order. It's truly unfortunate that the poor service and lack of attentiveness of the staff has to ruin such good food. The latkes, challah French toast and sandwiches are great, but only if you have the patience and time to spare. -Julie Stein
Best Locust Walk Flyering: Vagina Monologues
We all do it. When forced to take Locust Walk to a midday class, our iPods turn up a little bit louder, our hats come down a little bit lower and we find ourselves rushing to get to class. The multi-colored confetti of paper slips shoved in our faces combined with the desperate cries for attention from our fellow classmates stir up feelings of guilt and annoyance. This past semester, however, a considerable number of us pulled the tiny earbuds from our ears and slowed our pace, distracted from our self-imposed bubbles by a collection of loud and rambunctious young women. Decked out in pink and black, they licked lollipops shaped like something you swear you've seen before. Locust Walk, meet the Vagina Warriors. Whether you have one or not, VAGINA has a pretty catchy ring to it. And what's more pause-worthy than a group of Penn's finest ladies shouting VAGINA at the top of their lungs, not to mention handing out pretty flyers (laminated and everything!) inviting you to one of the most entertaining and important performances Penn has to offer, the Vagina Monologues. Here's to you, Vagina Warriors, for the most vag-tastic Locust Walk display by far. VAGINA! -Kristen Franke
Best Place to Pretend to Study: Buck's at 40th
Crawling out of bed at noon on a Sunday afternoon, every Penn student is faced with a choice: go back to sleep or pack up your books and brave the Van Pelt Sunday rush. Or. go to Bucks, the comfortable middle ground of campus study spots, not to mention the only place that's a lazy hop, skip and a jump away from Beige Block. Bucks is equipped with all the usual trappings of studiousness: rows of tables, wireless internet and plentiful caffeinated beverages. That said, its gentle hustle and bustle provides just enough distraction to make you forget that your calc book is open in front of you. Not to mention the artfully-chosen play list of '90s hits that always seems to be begging you to sing along. Throw in the occasional homeless panhandler and you have the recipe for a not-so-diligent Sunday afternoon. And there are always those comfy couches, with a homey fireplace to boot, in case you suddenly feel that urge to go back to sleep. -Laura Mandel
Best Place to People Watch: College Green
College Green is to Penn what sidewalk cafes are to Paris. Replace the espresso with a sugar-free Red Bull and the tables for grass, and the transformation is complete. Its sloped grassy knoll serves as the perfect meeting place for groups of students to converge and watch other Green-sitting people watchers (meta-people-watching, if you will), as well as to watch people exchange awkward "heys" on the Walk. Prepare yourselves, because as the weather improves, people-watching on the Green skyrockets due to an increase in outdoor loitering and the surge of shorts, miniskirts and general debauchery. Furthermore, the Green is the only place from which to take in the One-Minute Bible man's sermons, the happenings of the prayer tent and the activities of Tabard pledges all at once. And most importantly, for the late-night people watcher, College Green overlooks the Button. -Liza St. James
Best Ubiquitous Technology: The BlackBerry
The "CrackBerry," as it's so affectionately called, could really be the winner in a number of categories: Best Way to Avoid Eye Contact on Locust Walk, Best Way to Improve Thumb/Eye Coordination, Best Way to Safely Break a Brick, Best Cause of Sidewalk-Traffic, Best Damn Way to Fit in at Penn. Yes, whether you're the proud owner of the World Edition, the Curve or the Pearl, the BlackBerry has a special place here at Penn, in a world of corporate executive wannabes and BBM-ing socialites. Who can even remember the days when you needed a computer to check your e-mail or Facebook to look at your wall posts? You may even call it the great unifier here on campus, bringing JAPS, WASPS, nerds and internationals together in a world of rubber-neon covers and BBM friendships. It's practically changed social interaction as we once knew it. No longer does it take coercion and courting to get a phone number. Just utter these two magical words: "Pin me." -Courtney Guth
Best Place to Buy a Last Minute Birthday Gift: Urban Outfitters
The Marijuana Chef Cookbook? Check. Secret message writing pens? Check. A 15-inch long toothbrush? Check. Urban Outfitters is the best place to pick up a pseudo-thoughtful, utterly useless present with just minutes to spare between leaving your house in West Philly and getting to the BYO downtown for dinner on time. In addition to a wide selection of both men's and women's clothing, Urban Outfitters stocks a large collection of novelty books and games, accessories and electronics, perfect for both the shopper on a budget or someone looking to spend a little bit more. You're guaranteed to find something within mere moments of stepping into the store. It might not be the perfect present, but it will certainly do and is almost guaranteed to get a laugh out of the other guests. More interesting than anything you can bursar, trendier than its neighbor The Gap and better than nothing at all, an Urban Outfitters gift lets someone know that you care. But not that much. -Grace Ambrose
Best Late Night Hunger Fix: Wawa
It's a migratory phenomenon. When the sun goes down and flocks of students shake their tail-feathers in the night, mouths go dry and stomachs queasy. The winds of social hunger push them along trajectories passed down from generations of yore. If the weather permits - and it takes more than a hail storm to deter these nocturnal travelers - they'll roost where the smell of beef jerky and the sound of a slushy machine is strongest. They'll ease well-flapped appendages in soft pillows of Tastykakes and bask under the heat-lamps of a hotdog cooker. In short, they'll come home to Wawa. Named after the Ojibwa word for Goose, Wawa's fate was self-defining. The chain of convenience stores (locations at 38th and Spruce and 36th and Chestnut) serves as a beacon of sustenance for the geese of our community as they move from point A to point B. But Wawa also feeds the sociologically hungry. For the bird-watchers amongst us, make sure to bring your observation skills. I spy: dilated pupils, sagging eye-lids, mid-terminal studiers, inebriated revelers, caffeinated cops and every other variety of West Philly fowl. And maybe those fluorescent lights, meatball subs and fun-sized bags of Doritos strike you as artificial. Perhaps your avian sensibilities are overwhelmed by the compacted consumerism located between several squat aisles. If so, get back to your migratory flight and return when you're sufficiently numb. -Daniel Schwartz
Best Bureaucracy on Campus: Student Health
If Kafka wrote a novel about Penn, he would have to dedicate a chapter or two to Student Health Services. Forget modern, bourgeois America; true bureaucratic absurdity is only to be found at SHS. Upon arriving, you must sit in the main waiting room, and then be taken to the nurse's station for measurements, and then be taken to a smaller waiting area in the back, and only then might you see a doctor. It's like Legends of the Hidden Temple: Medical - you must collect all the gold medallions if you ever want to reach the doctor's room. This assumes, however, that you can even get an appointment. You've called ahead but your class times clash with all available time slots? While SHS saves slots for walk-ins, don't even bother to convince them to pencil you in for one of those - they won't budge. Because in true counterintuitive, bureaucratic fashion, it is actually easier to get in if you call the day-of and not in advance. Its exterior, of course, only matches the labyrinthine interior: good luck trying to find SHS when you're delirious with fever and too weak to walk. Not only is the 399 S. 34th Street location far from most students, its entrance is off an alleyway, not visible from the street. Though SHS is moving this summer, don't get your hopes up. It's new home at 3535 Market will be equally inconvenient and inaccessible, making SHS the true winner of Best Bureaucracy on Campus. -Kerry Golds
Best Place to "Meditate" on Campus: Biopond
Trudging through the concrete jungle of West Philadelphia day after day can get downright depressing. So it's no surprise that Penn students search for greenery when they really want to "get away from it all." When Botany Professor John M. MacFarland founded this botanical garden in 1897, he probably didn't anticipate its potential value as a site for students to explore heightened levels of consciousness and get in touch with Mother Nature. But given its close proximity to Wawa and the fact that it's generally off the radar of Philly police, it is hard to imagine coming here for any other reason than to do some soul searching. Just be sure to use the buddy system - the winding paths can get maze-like in the dark. -Maunik Patel
Best Place to NOT Get Your Shitty Fake ID Confiscated: Blarney
As incoming freshmen, we thoroughly prepare ourselves for the upcoming years by packing our trunks with the basics: dental floss, pics of mom and dad and, of course, a false form of identification. Whether scored from an older cousin, a shady downtown locale or that kid at your high school who somehow obtained a laminating machine and a lot of balls, the fake is, without fail, stuffed into the pockets and purses of nearly every underage Quaker. Yet just as common as the ownership of the fake is the inevitability of its confiscation. Although your new roomie may have assured you that your ID looks "sooo real!", Wine & Spirits has somehow ascertained that most of their Penn patrons aren't 28 and from New Mexico. Bummer. With a lot of asshole bouncers and the whole "zero-tolerance" thing, gaining entry into weekend hot spots as a freshman, sophomore or unluckily-birthdayed junior can be tough. Yet the tried and true place to regain confidence about your fake's viability is good ol' Blarney Stone. Be it Tuesday quizzo, Thirsty Thursday or weekend gallivanting, if you've got a card-sized piece of plastic, Blarney's got you covered. Go for the gold, McLovin'. -Annette D'Onofrio
Best way to lose tenure: Child pornography
You're probably thinking that kiddie porn is in fact the worst way to get fired at Penn. Maybe you were confused during voting, thinking to yourself: define "best." Most entertaining? Most disgusting? Happiest that it wasn't me? Lucky for you, child pornography is the answer to all of the above questions. Obviously killing someone will put you on the fast track to unemployment, but is homicide really anything special? This is West Philadelphia. Who hasn't murdered someone? And exposing yourself is not nearly as bad as exposing someone else, especially when the someone else is an eight-year-old boy. Just be sure to take your cues from the King of all Creepers, former Wharton professor emeritus Scott Ward. If you're going to get fired, make sure to go all the way: overpay for underage sex and catch the crime on video. Who doesn't love a good sex tape scandal? -Jess Goldstein
Best Public Place for Making Out: Van Pelt third and fourth floor stacks
You've been in Rosengarten for hours, and your caffeine and Adderall buzz is beginning to turn into a serious aphrodisiac. You notice the guy sitting at the half-desk across from you giving you the eye. Or is that just a twitch? There's only one way to find out. As you seductively slip him a note with the call numbers HQ9 .J68 1972d (If he's done this before, he'll be sure to recognize the Library of Congress numbers for The Joy of Sex, conveniently located in the fourth floor stacks between Contemporary Sexual Euphemisms and Sexuality: An Encyclopedia), saunter over to the elevators and press the magic number four. And then the waiting game begins. If all goes according to plan, you'll be checking out more than books, because an early evening makeout sesh is just the kind of pick-me-up an all-nighter demands. -Carly Brush
Best Mid-Week Entertainment: Copabanana
On the corner of 40th and Spruce, a marriage of college bar and West Philly exists in the Tex-Mex themed Copabanana. Six days a week, Copa emits a decidedly non-collegiate vibe, but something about Wednesdays brings Penn's Greek-minded individuals together to dominate Copa's mid-week scene. What makes this night different from all other nights? Copa just seems to fit in nicely, sandwiching itself between well-established Smoke's Tuesdays and downtown Thursdays. Copa's long, skinny and virtually impossible-to-dance-in layout does its best to fit the hordes of questionably legal drinkers. Bouncers power trip, but rarely turn down those eager souls ready to fork over the $2 cover. When it gets too crowded, bouncers force (mostly underclassmen) to the cavernous "Underground," a more club-like but bathroom-sized downstairs section. Oh sorry, did you say you wanted a drink? You can pretty much forget about good bartending, but it's all in the spirit of the college bar-cum-West Philly establishment. Twelve Kamikaze shots it is, then. -Hillary Reinsberg
Best Frightening Late Night Destination If You're Alone: Wine & Spirits at 41st and Market
We've all been there. It's 8:50 p.m., you're supposed to be meeting your friends at a swanky Center City BYO in mere minutes, and you've forgotten to pick up those oh-so-classy jugs of Carlo Rossi. So with nary a thought of your own safety in mind, you skip off all by your lonesome to that old campus standby - Wine & Spirits at 41st and Market. Maybe it's the motley assortment of homeless gentlemen milling around, or perhaps it's the sickly-sweet smell of sidewalk urine that greets the nose as you approach the storefront, but suddenly, those thoughts of which mango-salsa chutney you should order at the restaurant evaporate from your mind and the fear sets in. Sure, it's an irrational fear based on your borderline racist/classist misgivings, but you're a Penn student, damn it! Venturing out of the Penn bubble and into West Philly at night is scary - especially if you have to do it alone where all of the winos hang out. So the next time you find yourself clutching a freshly purchased handle of Banker's Club gin to your chest while eyeing passersby suspiciously and quickening your pace, don't be ashamed - rest assured that all of your overprivileged peers feel exactly the same. -Christopher Ahearn
Best place to find Moochable Free Stuff: Career Fairs
Career fairs are just like Christmas. Only instead of bringing cookies and eggnog, all you need are some latent feelings of inadequacy sprinkled with dwindling job prospects. And bam, you have a whole new set of Morgan Stanley pencils and maybe even some Goldman Sachs lip balm. But it's not all just logo-emblazoned pencils. Pick up a t-shirt and a baseball cap, and you've got yourself a free new get-up for next time you head to the gym. And it wouldn't be OCR without those giveaway stress balls. While it may be hard to re-gift these unique souvenirs, the free anxiety and gratis paperwork offered by Career Services can be easily passed on to your peers, spreading jolly cheer throughout campus. Word to the wise: keep your souvenirs. That seemingly useless Bear Stearns keychain of yesteryear could be an eBay goldmine in a few months time. -Eliza Rothstein
