Constantine
2005
As a comic book buff, I'm supposed to look harshly upon film adaptations of comics. So you know it's bad when even non-comic folk laugh at me for liking Constantine - a tale of the war between God and the Devil and of the foot soldiers who get stuck as chess pieces. I could talk all day about The Devil Wears Prada or 27 Dresses, but the moment I mention Constantine, I get deducted major Man Points.
Keanu Reeves portrays the chain-smoking, blue collar occult exorcist the right way: with grim realization that the world is falling to pieces, so his time would be best spent doing what he does best (you know. exorcising and such). Djimon Hounsou plays a smooth, cool witchdoctor - a character who deserves a spin-off out of sheer badassness (at one point he sinks his fingers into the exorcist's ribcage). So, even though the dialogue is something from a cracker jack Noir film, one can't help but be overcome by all of its cheesy glory. And ladies, did I mention that Shia LaBeouf is in it? The role is a bit of a reach for Shia - he plays John's sarcastic and abused sidekick (oh wait.). If you want to have his babies, cool; if not, you get to see him die pretty brutally. Win-win, my friends. You know, I think I'm going to go rent it right now.
