This week, a few freshmen took some time away from their Van Pelt worship to reminisce on some classy Penn firsts. Try reading these without being overwhelmed with nostalgia for your glory days.
Late Night Wawa Run After a successful night of frat-hopping, my friends and I headed down Spruce Street. As we approached the traffic light to cross 38th, those four unmistakable bright red letters caught our attention and the drunchies kicked in. As I stumbled into the store, I ran an eager lap around the store to gather all my options — astounded by the limitless possibilities of sweet and savory snacks. But nothing else can possibly compare to my discovery of the take-out computer. I began to push buttons, and more options just kept on coming. Did I want mac n' cheese? Or a flatbread sandwich? With turkey? Cheese? Did I want a warm cookie? It was love. After finally deciding on a hoagie and waiting for the oh-so-happy workers to call out my number, I returned to the Quad to feast, enlightened by the greatness of Wawa.
Naked Encounter No freshman year would be complete without getting flashed by or flashing someone in your hall as you walk to the shower. As we've all experienced, sharing a floor with the opposite sex for the first time can be great, especially when you live next door to a should-be-model. But nothing was more awkward than walking from the bathroom to my room, in my robe, dripping wet, only to be greeted by a gaggle of my hall-mates seemingly staring through my very thin towel. As I gripped my terrycloth shield tight and braved my way through the viewing gallery, all I could do was hope that the cool breeze I was feeling down there was only in my imagination. But just like every horrifying experience, it’s hilarious when it isn’t you … even better when it’s the hottie down the hall, wink wink.
First Sexile It was only a matter of time before someone in my hall put “the signal” on their door handle. An NSO wristband, harmless in any other situation, seemed to yell, "DO NOT ENTER! I AM GETTING SOME!" The moment I saw that, I felt terrible for my friend — let's call him Tommy — who was facing his first sexile. What was he supposed to do? At 2 a.m. on a Friday night, the options are pretty limited (unless, of course, you are desperately craving a hoagie from Wawa). We decided to take Tommy to one of our rooms and try to distract him from what might be going on five feet from his bed. Bondage? Furry handcuffs? Each scenario was more disturbing than the next, so we took it upon ourselves to feed our hallmate Oreos and Cheerios, in hopes that carbs would make him hyperactively happy. As time passed, and Tommy started to nod off, desperate measures were taken to keep him awake: blasting The Killers' Hot Fuss at 3 a.m. might not be great dorm etiquette, but it sure keeps your sexiled friend from dozing off.
Hall Vom Throw up and college seem to go hand-in-hand. You find it everywhere you turn, and best of all it always seems to creep up on you in the most unexpected places. So to that girl whose first-time alcohol experiment went awry, hats off to you for leaving your hall some nice, chunky, rose-colored artwork on the wall and finishing off your Picasso masterpiece with a lovely, pukey present at the foot of my door. Thank you … really … stepping in it was the cherry on top of a perfect night. Worst of all, Riepe cleaning services have yet to clean up the wall remnants. Now every time I shower, I walk by a nice little reminder of that “college first." For all our sakes, please take my advice when I say, "beer, liquor never sicker, liquor, beer you’re in the clear." It’ll be the best thing your Penn education ever taught you.
First Downtown After waiting in the 20-minute cab line outside the Quad, my friends and I were finally ready to head out to our first downtown. As our brave front seat passenger struggled to remember the address, the rest of us scrounged up enough singles to get us almost halfway there. “Do you even know where this place is?” I prompted as we drove farther and farther away from our comfort zone and into the unknown. “Nope, but this guy my friend met a week ago said it was cool.” Hmm … comforting. Ten minutes later we pulled up to what looked like an abandoned alleyway. The three of us hesitantly approached the guarded door and were then checked, stamped, and ushered through the velvet ropes. As soon as we entered the club, our faces lit up; nothing reminded us of the frat life we had become so accustomed to. Everyone had their shirts on, the floor wasn’t sticky and there was even toilet paper in the bathroom stalls. In other words, it was paradise. After dancing and exploring the rooftop lounge, we left the club and vowed to become more familiar with this brand new world we had been introduced to.
