With so many tricky social situations, it can be tough to maintain proper decorum. Here are two experts from opposite ends of the earth (one goes to Drexel and one goes to Penn) to give you their advice on everything from dating to dinner parties. It’s about time you brushed up on your etiquette!

What is an appropriate birthday gift for a best friend?

Drexel Gent: I usually try to find something that me and my friend can do together, like watching porn. I just have to find out what kinda chick he's into, search for a sick vid on the Internet, then go over to his place with a six–pack of Labatt Blue, and call it a night. It's not gay if you just watch it together. It's like when girls watch Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, only in our movie the girls actually make out instead of me always wishing they would.

Quaker Cad: Whoa–ho–ho you came to the right guy! You see, the only way I was able to get invited to birthday parties as a kid was to establish a reputation as an excellent gift–giver. Let's just say Hannah DeWitt (the MOST popular girl in school) didn't regret inviting me to her 12th, even if I did throw up on the bowling lane! This year I started a Lasik surgery fund for my roommate by donating $50. When he can ditch the glasses, he'll get the girls, and then he'll be able to "see" the wisdom in my gift — Har!