A’s guy: She was all over me, grabbing me. Can’t tell them apart, though. I just know one has okay skin, and the other has bad skin.
Girl: Her crazypants are not crazypants that affect anyone else. You feel what I’m saying? Guy: What?
Freshman on phone: Can you bring Lucky Charms to my recitation?
Mother of prospective student: Some of these fraternities. It’s just heavy drinking, heavy urinating…