If you went to Mardi Gras: Here, the recovery is built in: lent. Don’t you dare indulge in the NOLA sweat–fest without the required 40 days of atonement. You might not be Catholic, but you took advantage of their holiday so now’s your time to give up something you love. Chocolate? Meat? Bragging about your amazing spring break? Our suggestion: alcohol.
If you went to Punta Cana: When people ask you where you were over break, say “the Dominican Republic.” This sounds more exotic than just plain old P.C. Also, apply aloe vera. Lots of aloe vera.
If you went home: You know you spent break cuddling up with your sweet, loving laptop. Hulu will miss you, but put down the computer. Do not succumb to envious Facebook drooling. You are well rested and have all your layers of skin, so don’t be jealous of spring break stories that start and then trail off with “and I don’t remember how it ended.” Because you remember how every episode of 30 Rock’s first season ends. You have won.
If you went on an Alternate Spring Break trip: Feel proud of the fact that you have the hardest–earned tan at Penn. Doesn’t school look so morally vacuous after your week building… something… somewhere? Well, get over it.
