Step One: Stew in Anger Silent, indignant self–righteousness. Fuck them! You are awesome. Your impressions of Amy Gutmann are hilarious and anyone who tells you otherwise is committing a hate crime.
Step Two: Deflect Blame Start some vicious rumors about who the Shoutout is really about. There’s no way to prove that it’s referring to you, even if there probably isn’t another member of your specific frat who wore that specific costume and did that specific horrible thing.
Step Three: Learn and Grow Take it as very public constructive criticism. Now you know not to always raise your hand in class and then, when called on, say, “Oh, I was just stretching.”
Step Four: Be Proud Own that Shoutout! What some call irredeemable flaws, you see as your signature quirk. At the very least, now you know that your penis is worth talking about, right?
Step Five: Retaliate Sure, you’ve gotten over it and learned to love your Shoutout. But still, there’s only one thing to do: get revenge. Or, as the French like to call it, “revanche.” Spend next semester writing and rewriting the ultimate Shout–back. Wit is the best revenge.
