Penn elections and the voter ID law have sparked a lot of debate this week. Let's stop fighting and do something we all can agree on: laughing at the weekly gossip.

Apparently some people are getting their fast food slogans all mixed up. “Have it your way” is Burger King’s motto, but that didn’t stop some drunken seniors from trying to take advantage of it at Jimmy John’s. After a rough night out, the boys got a bad case of the drunchies and asked the employees if they could jump behind the counter and make their own. The cashier said no, but that didn’t stop them from trying. The guys were kicked out sans sandwiches, but evidence remains in the form of a sign that employees put up behind the counter, banning customers from trying to DIY.

Pull up the drawbridge! Knights, arm yourselves! There’s been an attack on the Castle! Football boys wreaked havoc there over the weekend, vandalizing the frat’s pool table and front room by spraying fire extinguishers everywhere, stealing a few pairs of pricey headphones in the process. When musing over the question “why us?” the Castle boys decided that they were targeted because they’re “too nice.” Yeah, let’s go with that.

Don't be silly, wrap your willy! Some frats have taken these words of wisdom to heart. Beta boys in particular have decided to take safe sex seriously this year. Sources tell us the boys bulk–ordered 1000 condoms to share at their chapter house. Seems a bit ambitious, but who are we to judge? Dare to dream, we suppose.

Different night, same bar: Hoodie Allen hit up Blarney as well, but that wasn’t his only stop on Penn’s campus after his show at the Trocadero Sunday night. Highbrow hears the AEPi alum–turned–rapper went home with a XO girl and ended up spending some time at the XO house after a few drinks. Not quite as dramatic as last year’s email exchange between a ZTA girl and James Franco, but we’ll take what we can get.