Ways to Distract from your Singlehood
Feign agoraphobia and stay at home watching Netflix, but not romantic or horror movies that would inspire cuddling. Good luck finding something without a sappy love line. Oh, cruel virtual world.
Treat yourself to the “Valentine Budino Two-Packs” being sold at Verde downtown... who said you shouldn’t just eat 2? It's $15 per pack of 2. Perfect opportunity to indulge in a jar full of dessert, especially when nobody’s watching.
Eat a lot of chocolate. Like raid the CVS candy aisle. Except the heart–shaped kind...
Pretend that Valentine’s package from Grammy is really a special someone. Or Skype with your dog.
Sleep the entire day away like the single hermit you are. The 15th will be here soon enough.
Get BLACKOUT with your other single ladiez and gentz. Send unforgivably bitter texts to your dating friends. “You guyisss makek me wannA VOMMMM!!!1! lol”
Stick to the angry TaySwift tunes. At all costs.
How to Rebel Against Against Hallmark Holidays
FAKE DATE! That’s right, take your best platonic friend and go all out at New Delhi or somewhere affordable, because we need not drop all the dollaz on a pseudo–romance. Regardless, play up your twue wuv for your waitress. And the Oscar goes to...all the single ladies.
Flyer your floor, hall, or entire building with “Meh, you’re okay” notes. It’ll be just like giving the whole class valentines in elementary school... but without being forced to declare your love for everyone.
Boycott Russell Stover. Your chocolate is blah and so is your pressure to settle down! Boo.
See a flower delivery and steal from the truck. He loves you not if he delivers them himself.
Witness Glee Club Singing Valentines and join in on the harmony. Belt it out purposely off–key, sister. Moment ruined.
And IIIIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOUUUUUUU.
