My heart quickens; I feel adrenaline rushing through my body as my eardrums await the lovely serenade of banjo notes coming through my shitty laptop speakers. Who am I kidding? “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” is hardly sophisticated enough to have a proper introduction song; approximately four seconds of country-twangin’ banjo-strummin’ is the best they could do. I respect that.
Now, we await the transformation. This sassy little “sketti–bellied” chunk full of Pixy Stix—our title character—takes a few swigs from her happy juice just as a tiara is placed on her head and a dress (more expensive than my biyearly meal budget) is draped on her body. Honestly, this chick is heading the right way down the yellow brick road of life. That is, she’s accomplished the unthinkable: balancing the paradox of down–to–earth realness and toddler perfection. She belly flops out of one show with the grace of a free–spirited Shamu and twirls perfectly into the next, leaving me unpleasantly aware of the fact that she’s living the dream. I grimace inwardly, because this is what we want. We want to live like Honey Boo Boo.
When she’s not making buttery slip–and–slides or having paper towel roll fights with her sisters, Honey Boo Boo takes time out of her busy schedule to help her momma June cut coupons and save money for the family. But by nightfall, her down–to–earth phase is over and she spends her hard–earned “dollas” on lavish purchases, including a new set of gleaming white false teeth and “Glitzy,” her baby pig. Ideally, we all would imitate her, primping ourselves to perfection and being “real” while we’re at it. Media glorifies living living like the “average,” perfectly imperfect television star. You know, the one with the stellar career, fancy house and smokin’ vegetarian spouse—but grounded and down to earth, sometimes even taking out the trash.
But that duality is an unreal standard imposed on the average person and an inconsistent, unreliable definition to try to live up to. I’m not buying it. In the end, there are two options: live life balancing humility with glamour, or throw away the rules and do whatever the fuck you want, Honey Boo Boo style. I’m headed in the latter direction. What about you?
