Girl in Starbucks: I just really want a Hermès Birkin bag. I like how they’re subtle.


Guy at 40th and Locust: Do you guys know where Allegro is? It’s like a pizza place.


JAP in class: Don’t worry, the new liquor store definitely sells kosher wine.


Girl 1: I don’t know why I want to sleep with him. I just like, imprinted, you know? That thing ducks do.

Girl 2: So he’s like your mommy?


Boy on Locust: She keeps asking me if Jesus was a Jewish prophet! Like, ugh.