This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.4.2014

1.     Have entourage of squealing besties cut out crown.

2.     Glue, glitter, gold leaf, diamonds. Swarovski that shit UP.

3.     What. The. H-E-double-hockey-sticks. That skanky piece of shiitake mushrooms is wearing MY CROWN. DAAAADDY!

4.     Optional: Actually buy a crown. So much more efficient.