This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.4.2014

(The) Tea Party

Your favorite British beverage with a dash of politics.

The outfit: Wear your Sunday best—think bows, lace gloves, and, most importantly, an elaborate hat.

The invites: Arrange a protest and invite only those with the funniest picket signs.

The venue: An outdoor affair in front of a local government building.

The grand entrance: To a mashup of the Sex Pistols' "God Save the Queen" and the Pledge of Allegiance recited by Ralph Nadar.

The cake: A giant fondant masterpiece in the shape of a tea bag.

Party favors: Teacup pigs.


Share the spotlight with everyone’s favorite digital pet.

The outfit: Who needs bling when you can accessorize with pixels? Show off your Tamagotchi on a statement necklace—bonus points if you keep it alive for the whole party.

The invites: Bring a big ol’ box of Tamagotchis to school with you and hand them out to the lucky players.

The venue: An arcade.

The grand entrance: Barge through a giant Tamagotchi poster.

The cake: Cupcakes are trendy, but mini Tamagotchi cakes are even cuter.

Party favors: Furbies.

The O.C. Season 3

An ode to the worst season.

The outfit: Marissa Cooper wore flats and a black dress to Johnny’s Bar Mitzvah—channel that for your Sweet 16. Channel that always. Mischa Barton forever, right? (Spoiler alert: maybe not.)

The invites: Customized DVD box sets.

The venue: This season is all about teen angst and things get gritty. Rent out an old warehouse and don’t bother decorating. Hopefully you’ll impress a Volchuck of your own by being so down to earth and chill with the grunge vibe.

The grand entrance: To the tune of Imogen Heap’s cover of “Hallelujah,” in memory of Marissa’s final scene (spoiler alert, again).

The cakes: One each in the shape of Marissa, Ryan, Seth, and Summer.

Party favors: Joints à la Seth Cohen’s rebellious phase.

Judge Judy

Justice with an attitude.

The outfit: A long black shapeless robe.

The invites: Dress up in a suit and serve your friends with court summons.

The venue: A courtroom.

The grand entrance: Pick your favorite, Johnny Cash’s “Folsom Prison Blues” or Elvis’s “Jailhouse Rock.”

The cake: No food allowed in the courtroom.

Party favors: Clemency.

Stacy’s Mom

Because let’s face it, Stacy’s mom has got it goin’ on.

The outfit: Just a towel on.

The invites: Ask Stacy if you can come over after school.

The venue: We can hang around by the pool.

The grand entrance: Ride in on a lawnmower.

The cake: Life-size replica of Stacy’s Mom.

Party favors: Welcome Interstate Managers CDs.


Sweet corn, popcorn, candy corn—who doesn’t love corn?

The outfit: Adorn yourself with a yellow gown with corn-on-the-cob embroidery.

The invites: Printed on bags of microwavable popcorn.

The venue: A corn field—the crop circles can serve as the dance floor.

The grand entrance: Strut in to Eminem’s hit song “Jimmy Crack Corn": 

Jimmy can crack corn but I don't care!

My enemies crack corn but I don't care!

You can be black white or albino, yeah!

You can have cornrows inside your hair!

The cake: A tower of cornbread.

Party favors: Unhusked corn on the cob.