This article was originally published as part of the joke issue on 12.4.2014
(The) Tea Party
Your favorite British beverage with a dash of politics.
The outfit: Wear your Sunday best—think bows, lace gloves, and, most importantly, an elaborate hat.
The invites: Arrange a protest and invite only those with the funniest picket signs.
The venue: An outdoor affair in front of a local government building.
The grand entrance: To a mashup of the Sex Pistols' "God Save the Queen" and the Pledge of Allegiance recited by Ralph Nadar.
The cake: A giant fondant masterpiece in the shape of a tea bag.
Party favors: Teacup pigs.
Tamagotchi
Share the spotlight with everyone’s favorite digital pet.
The outfit: Who needs bling when you can accessorize with pixels? Show off your Tamagotchi on a statement necklace—bonus points if you keep it alive for the whole party.
The invites: Bring a big ol’ box of Tamagotchis to school with you and hand them out to the lucky players.
The venue: An arcade.
The grand entrance: Barge through a giant Tamagotchi poster.
The cake: Cupcakes are trendy, but mini Tamagotchi cakes are even cuter.
Party favors: Furbies.
The O.C. Season 3
An ode to the worst season.
The outfit: Marissa Cooper wore flats and a black dress to Johnny’s Bar Mitzvah—channel that for your Sweet 16. Channel that always. Mischa Barton forever, right? (Spoiler alert: maybe not.)
The invites: Customized DVD box sets.
The venue: This season is all about teen angst and things get gritty. Rent out an old warehouse and don’t bother decorating. Hopefully you’ll impress a Volchuck of your own by being so down to earth and chill with the grunge vibe.
The grand entrance: To the tune of Imogen Heap’s cover of “Hallelujah,” in memory of Marissa’s final scene (spoiler alert, again).
The cakes: One each in the shape of Marissa, Ryan, Seth, and Summer.
Party favors: Joints à la Seth Cohen’s rebellious phase.
Judge Judy
Justice with an attitude.
The outfit: A long black shapeless robe.
The invites: Dress up in a suit and serve your friends with court summons.
The venue: A courtroom.
The grand entrance: Pick your favorite, Johnny Cash’s “Folsom Prison Blues” or Elvis’s “Jailhouse Rock.”
The cake: No food allowed in the courtroom.
Party favors: Clemency.
Stacy’s Mom
Because let’s face it, Stacy’s mom has got it goin’ on.
The outfit: Just a towel on.
The invites: Ask Stacy if you can come over after school.
The venue: We can hang around by the pool.
The grand entrance: Ride in on a lawnmower.
The cake: Life-size replica of Stacy’s Mom.
Party favors: Welcome Interstate Managers CDs.
Corn
Sweet corn, popcorn, candy corn—who doesn’t love corn?
The outfit: Adorn yourself with a yellow gown with corn-on-the-cob embroidery.
The invites: Printed on bags of microwavable popcorn.
The venue: A corn field—the crop circles can serve as the dance floor.
The grand entrance: Strut in to Eminem’s hit song “Jimmy Crack Corn":
Jimmy can crack corn but I don't care!
My enemies crack corn but I don't care!
You can be black white or albino, yeah!
You can have cornrows inside your hair!
The cake: A tower of cornbread.
Party favors: Unhusked corn on the cob.
