1) Before posting any photo, ask yourself, “Is this racist?” You're rocking a gold chain? Fine. You go to a fancy college; your dad probably works somewhere nice. You're pretending to be 2 Chainz? Pushing it… You're dressed up as a prisoner in a chain gang in this mass incarceration state? It'll go over most people’s heads, but pray that you aren’t insta–friends with someone who took a sociology class at any point.

2) Okay, so it's def not racist. You may have even checked with your one black friend just to be sure; now it’s super not racist. But is it sexist? Or whatever "misogynist" means…your ex–girlfriend sure calls you that a lot, and it just sounds kind of bad, doesn’t it? Ask, “Would it be cool if someone did whatever you're doing to your grandma? Would she be cool with someone grabbing her ass?" Well, Papaps sure wouldn’t be. G–ma was a nurse in the Korean Police Action. I'm sure she's seen some shit, but you know she probably can’t even fathom the kinds of nasty–ass things you're thinking about.

3) The G–ma thing didn’t work? It was hard to think about a 70–year–old woman with a dick drawn on her tits, that’s a given. How about you just imagine women as people and equals? Sorry, that's far too hard, this is for frats. Imagine that the girl is your buddy, Skeeter. But instead of Skeeter getting $10,000 for that summer internship at Barclays, he only got about $8,000 and people keep telling him to smile for some reason. It’s like they don’t even know he lost a tooth after doing that keg stand.

4) If you must objectify women, that woman with the song about feminism is not a good choice. Just a note.

5) Thousands of perverts across the country collectively moaned as their Google search for “blow up doll frat” sent them to a picture of you and your boys. Think of the perverts. They will be you in fifteen–ish years. Don’t publish anything with words that perverts might be searching. For example: donkey penis, naughty grandma and Kylie Jenner’s hands are all off limits.