Girl with a crew–cut: Everyone who I’ve ever had a threesome with is now a Fulbright scholar.
Girl still living in the mid–2000s: Literally though, I come back home from parties fucked up, and I just play Club Penguin.
West Philly local with mullet and rat tail: She’s a punk rock anarchist from LA. She’s just my type.
Freshman in corner: Does A's own the Phi Delt house?
Indian heiress: My dad got two proposals for me last week. They don’t know my name and haven’t seen a picture yet.