"Not in this economy."

The recession is rough, and your employers need to know.


"Job me up, Brodude!"

A slightly informal way to show that you’re not just a potential employee, but a true friend. Women will also appreciate the use of brodude as a gender–neutral term. Talk about a win–win!

"Help! I'm full of beetles! Do not hire me!"

Honesty earns respect. Let them know what they need to know.


Not sure what this means, but it works.

"Gyrating hips."

It’s already on your résumé, but you can’t stress this enough.


"I possess no soul."

There is only darkness.


"The client–centric logistics of the analytics have been downsized for leverage."

No one will understand it, but they will understand how smart you are.



This will grab their attention, and give them that sweet feeling of nostalgia.


"Boy, I could use some guava juice."

Employers LOVE to hire people who get their vitamin C from more obscure sources.

"The flounder population has been dwindling."

It’s on everyone’s mind. Be the one who has the courage to say it.

"Start–Up this dick, bitch!"

What an invitation! The perfect way to subtly establish your dominance.

(Reddit User Draycora)

"No hope... None."

Try this one while blankly staring off into space.


"Work hard, play hard."

This perfectly encapsulates your life at Penn. The best part? No one has ever used this one before.


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