Whether you’re painfully single or a star–crossed lover, you can always count on Highbrow to be your Valentine. Consider us your secret admirer, your anonymous source delivering you tidbits of (tough) love every week. Roses are red, violets are blue. Just be thankful in the Round Up, we never say who.

While you were in NOLA partying with the locals, the real Mardi Gr–Oz festivities were popping off here. Highbrow hears St. A’s invited their alums back for the boozy bash, which resulted in one very drunk, forty– something grad passing out in a sophomore’s bed. The A’s brother repeatedly tried to wake the stranger but to no avail. In his few moments of semi–consciousness, the married man attempted to text his wife back, who was allegedly blowing up his phone, but ended up forgetting his pass–code and locking himself out of his device instead. Remember kids, old habits die hard, but there should be limits on reliving your glory dA's

Speaking of unwanted guests, one off–campus house was victim of breaking and entering this past weekend. An inebriated intruder found his way into a house of SDT girls and ransacked their kitchen before wandering drunkenly around the house. Once one girl realized the man wasn’t simply a very confused hookup of her roommates, she promptly called the police. What did the rando have to say for himself? He was simply looking for his “homies” in the basement. When the cops arrived, they found the suspect loitering around the corner, arrested him and confiscated the girls' Grape Nuts as evidence. Our con man may have robbed the girls of their snacks, but it’s safe to say he didn’t totally steal the show. 

Here’s to a weekend of broken doors and broken floors. During a party at Kappa Sig, two SK girls were dancing on top of a couch when they lost their balance and fell into what Highbrows hears was a pre– existing hole in the frat’s floor (I mean we knew frat houses were shitty, but this seems like a real (col)lapse in judgment). The drunken duo, unfazed by their scene of public clumsiness, regained their position on the elevated surface and Kapp–ed off the night with more dancing. Despite the fall, we hope their egos weren't too bruised.

Talk about necessary repairs. At the same party, another SK pair tried to seal a Kappa Sig bathroom shut with duct tape and panty liners. Highbrow isn’t totally sure what sparked the inception of this pad idea, but next time we suggest using a more ris(K) form of adhesive. 

But seriously, what the shell? At a Phi and Chi–O BYO at Ken’s, one dePhi–ant pledge had his heart set on stealing a lobster from one of the restaurant’s tanks. After a close claw with the owner, the guy swiped the lobster and proceeded to paint the town red. We hear the lobster made an appearance at the SDT bid night party before eventually ending the night at Hill. Unsure how to dispose of their aquatic acquaintance, the pledges decided to toss it off the 5th floor of the dorm. We’re sad to report the little guy won’t live to sea another day. 

The Round Up is a gossip column and the stories are gathered though tips and word of mouth. Although we verify all the information in the Round Up with multiple sources, the column should be regarded as campus buzz and not as fact.


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