(215): Coke is basically just caffeine.

(505): My left boob is sore. That guy kept rubbing it like a fucking genie lamp.

(646): Do boys fight over girls? I hope so because I have been building a tower at owls that will DESTROY SELF ESTEEM.

(610): I'm listening to pillow talk and imagining myself riding dolphins.

(717): Wake up pussies. Theme of the day: I regret nothing.

(484): I think I just hooked up with someone from theos lol ew #mistake.

(267): I just got questioned by the FBI before boarding. Literally every country thinks that I traffic drugs.

(215): I need more instas of myself tho because I'm a narcissist and I'm showing off.

(718): it really grinds my gears that boys will never know the feeling of standing up and bleeding out of their vagina.

(610): Don't worry about the check, my family owns this club.

(272): Someone please pick up their condom from room 3.

(412): Bro your Tinder date and your sister look exactly the same.

(878): I was so drunk last night I thought I fucked Justin Bieber. Just woke up in bed with a hairy, smelly and slightly douchey frat boy.

(484): We just had a seance on the beach while singing Last Christmas.

(717): I had sex seven times today with seven different people.

(570): For a second I thought the dolphin was giving head to that guy at the bar.

(267): Sorry I took so long, I got hit by a car. NOW who's the asshole?!