Most Relatable Girl Ever: I have no reason to believe this, but I'm like, pretty sure I'm pregnant.

Modern Economist: Why don't ZBT and SDT just combine to form one organization?

Explanatory Jewish Bro: My mohel fucked up–– that's my excuse for my small penis.

Empathetic Friend: She got laryngitis from sucking too much dick.

Future Sugar Daddy: I accidentally made out with a 14–year–old and it got posted on a makeout website.

Preacher Describing Street: Brainwashed, lib- eral and hell–bound.

MBA at the Compass: My Seamless password is "Wharton."

Lost Engineer: What is JMHH?

Small Child/ Future Player: Who said you could tell people you're my girlfriend? You ain't my girlfriend.

PSCI Professor: It's the type of thing John Locke would be pleased to know I'm doing.