9:00 a.m. Drive in from Westchester with a dream and an over–anxious mother.

9:34 a.m. Insta a pic of the quad and caption it, “Welcome to my crib.” #nailedit

9:53 a.m. Start unloading the car. Uh–oh, Dad has found your RA and is telling “jokes!” SOS.

10:25 a.m. Walk into your Riepe double and see your roommate has a nose piercing and is wearing Birkenstocks. Wow she’s cool.

12:00 p.m. Lunch at White Dog!! Your parents say they’re “really starting to like Philadelphia.”

1:07 p.m. Hit up that Bed Bath & Beyond on–campus popup for those last–minute essentials. How could you have forgotten to pack a humidifier!?

1:48 p.m. Put up those supes cute pics of your high school friends while your parents are at a talk from President Gutmann. Consider that maybe you really did peak in high school...

2:58 p.m. Parents are back from talk and say they met a” lovely couple” whose son is a freshman in Wharton. They ask you if you’ve signed up for OCR. Is that a sorority?

4:00 p.m. Your mom cries as she hugs you goodbye. Even though it’s totes ruining your brand you cry a little too.

4:30 p.m. Hall meeting! This is an opportunity to totally reinvent yourself. You can be anybody!

4:40 p.m. You panic and say your fun fact is that you “love dogs.” Maybe you’ll reinvent yourself later.

5:04 p.m. You kill it at two truths and a lie and no one guesses what your lie is. You’re gonna rule this school.

8:00 p.m. A bunch of kids from your hall are chilling in your room. You look around and smile. It’s so crazy that you found your best friends the first day of school! You’re definitely going to stay friends #5evr.

8:36 p.m. Someone takes out Mike’s Hard. Now it’s really a party.

10:00 p.m. Your roommate knows some kid named “Theo” who’s having a party. Dope!!

10:30 p.m. Theo must be really popular cause there is a line to get into his house! College is krazy.

10:45 p.m. You’ve asked, like, five people but no one knows who Theo is. Weird.

11:00 p.m. Someone hands you a bright yellow drink called "jungle juice."

11:01 p.m. This is not Mike’s Hard.

5:30 a.m. Wake up on a bench in the middle of Locust. These are going to be the best four years of your life.


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