Freshman Engineer
The look: Cargo shorts, Ware College House T–shirt, Penn lanyard with PennCard and keys attached, white “ankle” socks that reach way above the ankle and New Balance sneakers.
The persona: Be mildly terrified but also ridiculously willing to do anything for the sake of “finding your people” on campus. Get excited when someone mentions PennApps or their SAT scores.
Tabard Pledge
The look: Carry a flip–flop on a string, bedazzle your grandmother's bag from 1963, wear black as your base color then put an old–fashioned dress on top.
The persona: Act foreign and probably too cool to be talking to the real you. Actually, you can't even talk so crisis averted. Make sure you have somewhere better to be at all times.
Math TA
The look: Ill–fitting collared shirt, dad jeans, hair that looks clean in the front but is a birds' nest in the back, and just the right amount of lankiness so that if one of your students tries to fight you on a question you’ll be prepared to fight back, but actually won’t cause any harm.
The persona: Timid, but also wear a smirk that says, “I can rattle off at least six physics puns at any given moment.” Walk with your head down and your back up as if perpetually hunched over a calculator.
NSO Freshman
The look: If you’re a girl, then wear a crop top and jean shorts. Straighten your hair but make sure it’s curly by the end of the night. Sweat enough to look sensual in your own mind but realistically more like a wet dog. If you’re a boy, go with a Vineyard Vines tee, khaki shorts, and boat shoes.
The persona: Girls should act like Britney Spears circa early 2000s. Every DFMO should scream “Oops, I did it again…” with just as little remorse. Boys should act like they know what they’re doing even though they have absolutely no clue. You’ll probably want to pull from a handle or two. Definitely tell someone that your dad was the president of ZBT so you’re probably going to rush there.
PennQuest leader
The look: Ratchet yarn that you’ve kept on your wrist because you never want the memories to fade, jorts, bandana, body paint, a bag of rice that you keep in your back pocket for emergencies.
The persona: Be overly excited any time you see anyone else dressed in similar garb and immediately shout “Wait, YOU DID PENNQUEST?” and hug them. Also talk about PennQuest for at least 78 percent of any conversation you have.
Tour Guide
The look: Abnormal amount of “subtle” Penn gear without giving off the vibes that you just threw on a T–shirt for the day, wear a constant smile and hold a sign that ensures your group won't lose you.
The persona: Walk backwards and shout fun facts about Benjamin Franklin or the button and speak openly about how much you love the meal plan and how little Greek Life is part of campus culture. Be prepared to charm the hell out of any and all helicopter parents.
WilCaf Barista
The look: WilCaf hat (wear it forward so everyone can see that you work there), a flannel, jeans that are cuffed, patterned socks that can be seen between the slight space from your jeans to your shoes, vans or some type of low–key “skater who doesn’t skate” shoe.
The persona: Be interestedly uninterested in what anyone has to order or say. Make sure people know that you’re the one that made the playlist. Act happy that your shift ends in four hours even though that’s the worst news you’ve received all day.
