Drunk girl who's done with softboys: Fuck you and your fucking tortured artist and your fucking writing your own poetry on your headboard. 

Future serial killer on Locust: No, I really prefer to be emotionally stunted. 

Boy who's asking the right questions: Doesn't Pottruck do ass massages? They should. 

Law student who believes in the fountain of youth: I don't have time for your birthday dinner. Just stop aging.  

Person we kind of want to die soon: At my funeral, I want people to do lines off my coffin, but instead of cocaine, I want it to be my ashes. 

Fabletic betch: I just wear my Fitbit so boys think I'm fit.