This weekend, children of proud Penn parents turned legacy into legendary when they decided to put generations of Penn partying together. In order to let you know what went down this weekend, Highbrow’s here to get unfiltered.
While some of you were developing candy crushes on that blonde freshman in Mask and Wig’s production of “Magic Mike and Ike,” others were busy being Razzle(s) dazzled by real strippers. A Chi O Junior (Mint) spent upwards of $700 on three strippers for her 21st birthday bash. If the costumes of the Magic Mike wannabes (policeman, fireman and gynecologist) weren’t enough to make guests snicker(s), a few of the girls volunteered to Lollipop lock and drop it themselves. One of the Chick(let)s had such a good Tootsie Roll that she was able to score a dancer’s digits. He sent her a half naked mirror selfie later in the night, in hopes that it would give her Reese–on to respond. The Sugar Daddies didn’t stop there though. Clad only in banana hammocks, they had a few more Twix up their sleeves––including moving their Twinkies to the side so that girls could take body shots from in between their legs. Talk about a sweet escape.
Even though Neighbors Two: Sorority Rising falls into the category of “sequels that never should have been made,” an off–campus Beta house and their neighbors seem to want to turn the series into a trilogy. What started out as a gentle threat made by the girls next door has turned into an unofficial prank war. The girls started the battle by threatening to call the police on Beta State Day when belligerent Beta brothers started loudly dartying at 8 a.m. without warning them. After a few shouting matches and intoxicated interactions over the past few weeks, the girls woke up to find a dead squirrel and a puddle, resulting from a wandering Beta boy who chose to break the seal right outside their door. Not to be outdone, the lovely ladies waited all day for the deceased rodent to rot and then threw it onto Beta’s porch in the dark of the night as a passive aggressive warning.
Speaking of animals, one senior was found monk(eying) around this weekend over e-mail. Things got wild after an e-mail was sent by a Penn Professor to the Hub listserv saying that this senior could solely be contacted by snail mail because she is embarking on a meaningful, month-long vow of silence for a class. The e-mail said it would be impossible to reach her through any other form of communication. But, after only a few days of living the monk life, the SWUG decided it just wasn’t for her. She boldy responded to the e–mail that the Professor sent and basically confused everyone. Once people realized she broke her vow of silence, all hell broke loose. Sources say she took her e–mail extravaganza even further and resurfaced the Freshman 2013 listserv, which everyone thinks should’ve died alongside tall Ugg boots and other 2013 trends.