It’s been a long week. We elected a tangerine for President, the bees are still dying at an alarming rate and apparently the real story of Thanksgiving is actually kind of sad because the Pilgrims and Native Americans never actually had a turkey dinner together, what the fuck. Don’t worry, though. We’ve got a piping hot serving of gossip to tide you over until your own needless turkey murder day Thanksgiving.

Unfortunately, the election results did not go over easy with a couple of seniors. A pair of SDT and OAX girls, egged on by their anger at the election results, decided to make a political statement by pelting an unsuspecting house on Beige Block with eggs before scrambling back home. We just hope the residents of the house weren’t too shell–shocked to take a yolk. On the sunny side (up), it rained the next day, so the results of the egg–regious vandalism were washed away.

Two nights later, things got a little thorny for one Phi sophomore at their annual Roses event. After getting hammered with his bros(es), he went up stairs to water the plants (read: pee in a storage box in his bedroom). Unfortunately for our pee–tagonist, he was a little too blackout to remember his piss–take. It took him two days to realize why his room smelled so bad. A rose by any other name might smell as sweet, but a room that you peed in? Not so much. Roses really smell like poo–oo–oo...or, pee, we guess.

At a ZBT event on Tuesday night, one freshman boy got burnt by Toasty Tuesday. After eating too much of an edible, weed reckon things got a little out of hand. Things went from high to low really fast, and the boy ended up MERTing himself. We’ll be blunt: if you can’t handle the weed, get out of the frat kitchen.