Medium dabbling in networking: Dude, I cold called Steve Jobs.
Snapchat master: Should I just use the dog filter to show him I'm super easy?
Hydrated betch: I keep four Perriers in my bag at all times.
Washed up frat star: God is dead, and frats have killed him.
Pre-SWUG studying abroad: I'm going to mail Joe from Smokes' a postcard.