Medium dabbling in networking: Dude, I cold called Steve Jobs.

Snapchat master: Should I just use the dog filter to show him I'm super easy?

Hydrated betch: I keep four Perriers in my bag at all times.

Washed up frat star: God is dead, and frats have killed him.

Pre-SWUG studying abroad: I'm going to mail Joe from Smokes' a postcard.