With school restarting and clubs re-kicking in, being a freshman no longer seems so fun. Street’s got some tips for those of you looking to channel your inner chameleon.

  • Losing your Penncard is the worst. You won’t be able to print, access certain buildings, or swipe your curious upperclassman friend into the dining halls for lunch (WE GET IT, JUSTIN, HILL WASN’T THIS NICE WHEN YOU WERE A FRESHMAN). Without your Penncard, how else can you show that frat boy that you’re a student here and thus he shouldn’t worry about “liability measures?” Put that sexy black lanyard they gave you at move–in to good use.
  • Prove your knowledge of campus traditions by making a wide arc around the Compass each time you pass it. Bonus points if you dodge a flyerer as you do so. When your friends who obliviously march across Penn’s sacred circular canvas later wonder why they’re failing all their midterms, you’ll know. Oh, you’ll know.
  • Penn’s third president Harold Stassen didn't envision Locust Walk as a narrow lane of unsociable, single-file shuffling. Embrace the path’s width by traveling exclusively in large packs. Also, chatting with someone in front of/behind you can be a bit cumbersome. It may facilitate conversation if you and your squad move as one horizontal line. 
  • If you choose to foray into the party scene, go super fucking hard to show everyone you’ve done this before. Loudly proclaim something along the lines of: “I’ve done this before.” 
  • Learning the land is easy; all you have to do is carefully scrutinize those giant maps stationed throughout campus (and for increased intellectual effect, tilt your head, rub your chin, and murmur “hmm…” as you do it). But go beyond geographical literacy. Start by updating that dictionary of yours. “Hey Lila, wanna meet up for lunch before Chem?” practically screams “FRESHMAN.” “Hey Lila, wanna LinkedIn for Frontera SABS before jawn?” Much better.