Housing may be the worst part of faux–dulting at Penn. We test ourselves every fall as we prepare to scramble and sign leases before the end of the (calendar) year. Highbrow proposes a drinking game to make the housing search a bit more enjoyable. 

  • One shot every time you walk into an apartment that smells like weed—expected, so have fun with it! 
  • Three shots if the house doesn’t have central heating—did someone say liquor blanket? 
  • Sip when you see a cockroach. Although this is extremely disgusting and under some circumstances would merit copious amounts of alcohol, Highbrow wants you to be sober enough to recognize that any apartment with a cockroach is a no–go, full–stop. So just one sip, please. 
  • Do absolutely nothing if you see a mouse. Just stand there and contemplate the long and depressing year of not being able to eat in bed. 
  • Slap a bag if the building doesn’t have on–site laundry—but realistically, do you do your laundry enough for this to be a determining factor? Get back to us on that.  
  • Throw a school–wide party when you sign—you've conquered the world at this point; shit, even invite the people you’ve ghosted.
  • Have a wine night with your future housemates when you realize the lease you signed but didn’t read has many, many issues—and you're locked the fuck in! 

We’re afraid to be the ones to break it to you, but housing doesn’t get better throughout the years. Hold on to the game; stay strong.