Functional, Fashion–Forward Bro: "I might fuck around and get a blanket scarf."

Discreet Fascist: “I just want people to agree with me so I don’t seem like I’m pushing my own agenda."

NYC Subletter: “Is this area of New York gentrified? Can I live there?”

Huntsman Betch: “I haven’t carried around cash since 2012.”

Definite Cheater: “On the other hand, would you want some sort of lame–ass, virgin boyfriend that doesn’t even fuck other girls?”

Darwinist: ”I like to choose my professors based on how pretty they are.”

Noble Hedonist: “Sometimes you take the dick you get, but not the dick you deserve.”

Concerned Conservative: “My friend had a nightmare about everyone having healthcare.”

Self–Aware Bigot: “I could never do stand up because all the funny stuff I say insults at least two major ethnic groups.”