Boob Connoisseuress: I have quite the story to tell you about her busty jugs…. 

Locust Walk Preacher: Stop masturbating, you’re gonna die!!! 

Deprived Nicotine Romantic: I need to get home, my Juul is waiting for me. 

Hopeful Hibernator: I don’t wanna wake up tomorrow, I just want to sleep until I get into grad school. 

Never Left the Penn Bubble: But wait, isn’t the edge of campus 40th Street?

DP x Soundcloud: I’d listen to topical house: just the news playing with beats over it. 

Kinky Confession: Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. Sorry Daddy, I've been naughty. What's the difference?

Disgruntled OCR candidate: Dude, I hate him. 

Her realistic friend: Yea, but he’ll get you a job.