Person who doesn't know how to talk to twins: "Half the time I can tell twins apart."
Needy vegetable ex–lover: "Am I getting ghosted by Hip City Veg?"
Drunk guy with a tenuous grasp on human anatomy: “I have an eyebrow in my eye! It's in my eye for sure.”
Sleep–deprived professor: “No, I don’t actually have a cocaine fund.”
Girl who's amazed by smartphones: “It’s literally so weird how you, like, tap on your screen and it, like, does things.”